Getting to the bottom of Chinese Whispers

To close the saga, I arranged 30 second meeting with Director today. Enough time to say: "I apologize for the misunderstanding caused during the last week".

Though, as MirrorMan predicted in his comment->objective 2, Director didn't wanted me to just leave at that and was in deed keen to have the chat. I was rather reluctant to say anything, and at first, I was just listening to her justifying her reasons again for not approving the exception.

Then, as she went dribbling on about the importance of communication, family-like closeness amongst the staff, equalities, fairness, and not-taking things personally, my flesh-bulb flashed, and I realized something that Director I have in common: idealism seem to be a strong trait of our personalities.

I thought to myself, something along the lines of: Ok then, if you really wish to talk and since you are not telling me anything new' and said: 'Don't take this the wrong way, but why do you think I came here to apologize?' After she reverted back for a while to the topic of 'why I cannot skip graduation' - maybe a tendency to act super blur - she slowly came to the word 'threat'.

We had a quite a prolonged chat, involving communication, the cultural differences, adaptation, learning, pursuit of ideals, and of course my deep, hard to understand, mumbling, sexy (one +ve one :) voice. In regards to the topic, I've seen that her main concern, rightly so, was that after the incident, I'll shy away from communicating with her and the rest of the management. She didn't want me to have a 'wrong' perception.

We also established that the mis-communication really started to take shape when she included the lines that implied the joke during our conversation, while paraphrasing what was discussed to my RO. Though, same as for the previous two incidents of similar nature I went though since the arrival, I am to blame, as those lines initially came out of my mouth.

We shook hands on it, and I got another tap on the shoulder. As only it can be on a 'payed holiday', it's all okLah...!


Ps: If I feel as sincerely bout the below eM tomorrow, as I do now, I'll send it even though it sounds like brown-nosing-corporate mumbo-jumbo :

Hi D,

Again, thanks for the chat.

Though, once more, let me reiterate that after RO spoke to me last Friday, from my perspective, everything was fine regarding the happening of the week; and as I've said to PA, I just wanted to have 30 seconds of your time to apologize for it, as it was me who caused it.

None the less, as a bonus, thanks to your willingness to talk things over, I feel more confident that you stand behind the ideals that you communicate, and I wish you best of luck and courage in steering the ICT ship in that direction.

Sincerely,

Z


UPDATE - Director's reply:

It's you guys that keep me and our ICT ship going despite the various challenges ;)

Brijacek visit

Katarina and Gazda left last night. They stopped by for few days on their way from NZ to Europe.

As always it was great catching up with long-t-no-see friends. Fun comprised of having interesting conversations and together exploring Spore - yep I still haven't seen much of this place...!

From Brijacek, May07

Feedback on teaching

I learned to do this after the few weeks into the semester. Simply get students to quickly and informally jot down their comments on the three things: in order of importance,

a) what does NOT work
b) suggestions for improvement
c) what works

Thanks to this semester's e-Learning wk, I managed to have Japan trip, though that postponed the feedback session all the way to week 6 and 7.

Well, none the less, in the spirit of better late then never I got it done.

Today, going though the results, a surprising fact emerged. It suggests that I took the lessons learned from the last semester's feedbacks too far this time around. Guess I forgot about that more general rule of: No extremes, everything in moderation (even moderation itself - or is this the exception that proves the rule!? As Johno said, every rule has an exception, which in turn proves the rule).

Last semester I learned to 'let them be' and to teach in that noisy environment where majority pays no attention. This time, apart from the expected comments about speaking too fast, accent, and requesting more practicals, lots of students said that they want me to be more strict, some specifically, to stop them from playing games.

In a way, what is not surprising , is that - as all of us - they just want what they don't have...!


Ps: got eM from Director (on Monday at 2:11am) telling me that she heard that I wanted to talk to her and to feel free to do so, just to mk an appointment with her PA. The idea is still to just quickly apologize in person - no more, no less.

Chinese checkers

RO talked to Director to tell her something along the lines of me not feeling comfortable thinking that Director thinks that I threatened her. Director said 'what'? Apparently she didn't think I threatened her. Though Director did say something along those lines to my RO, and then my RO took it way more serious then Director intended to express it, and then by the time I heard it... bla bla bal ....

I mean, wtf is this... And to think that Director had slides on that Friday's meeting, just wk ago, titled 'Organisational Communication' - lol

If you don't get a joke, don't laugh - ask. It won't be funny but at least you'll get what the story's about, n avoid all these 'deaf telephone' games. Yea, I know- why simple...

So apparently 'all is cool', the soap opera is over. I found out this yesterday. I'll probably still go to Director and just apologize for the episode. Went to knock on her door yesterday as I was leaving for the wk, but she was gone already.

The lessons:

-don't kid around w/ Director, as much as she tries to create friendly atmosphere.
-there is no communication in the organization, or as colleague said: 'it sucks'. It is not sought after, encouraged, nor appreciated; at least not practically.
-the masks they wear are thick, very thick.
-forget bout job. Focus on 'payed holiday' n

keepLaughing...!

Dilemma

I'm quite confused w/ all this shit now, don't k wtf to do...

a) Act supper blur (as though nothing happened) n let Director continue to think that I threatened her. If I was boss, n I felt threatened by one of my low/est ranked employees, what would I do, I ask myself? Hmmmmm, well that's easy...

b) Go and discuss situation. -Too confrontational.

c) eM explanation. Too impersonal... lack of context. Though if she misunderstood me in person maybe I have a better chance of getting though like that. - I mean, how much worse can it get?

d) Arrange meeting w/ all the parties involved. Director expressed her concerns of being threatened by IF-I-was-a-teacher teacher to Deputy Director and my RO. So maybe a discussion with 4 people in there would not be as confrontational to any one person.

e) ...?

Ps: just as I was writing this I was interrupted. This very moment Sinthya, a fellow teacher here, left my office. She was here to tell me how her mentees (a 2nd yr class that she is assigned to mentor, and I teach OOAD) are completely confused. They have no idea what's going on, they are concerned. They don't understand the accent. There's a Cro saying that says 'when devil takes a crap, devil shits on one pile'. The best advice I got for teaching here comes from Murray. At the end of my professional development day for IF Murray said: "keep your sense of humor".... Thus, it's not my fault that I was born with intimidatingly good looks n sexy voice.

Whoops, I did it again

And this time to no other then to my boss. Not just my own Reporting Officer, but the RO's boss, the school's director. It turns out that little over the top eM to explain to me the concept of graduation is, according to my RO, because Director felt I threatened her in order to get her to approve my leave - and she doesn't want be subjected to threats from anybody.

The fact that she doesn't like threats is understandable; that she feels that I have threatened her is laughable.

At least I'm laughing about it now. Though the reality is that I might not be laughing for long and I sure wasn't when I heard about it at first this afternoon - it was more like.... haaa... wtf...

Well joke aside, why I might not be laughing for long (around here) is b/c my next contract is in the air. When I went there to talk to her at the end of the day on Monday her PA gave me the new contract (w/ old terms) to sign. Contract was due to be signed on that Monday, again I was like 'why like this?'. PA was not around so the offer was sitting on her desk for a whole week, and she said that she'll buy me more time with HR and then eM me about the new due date.

When my RO told me about Director's feelings after the meeting, my instinct was to go and discuss this bad miscommunication w/ Director straight away. But I didn't, as working in the same way as I would in my own village doesn't work around here - obviously. David explained to me that you don't discuss these sort of confrontational issues by confronting the person whom you had an issue with again. Even though the only reason for talking to them directly again shortly following 'the issue' would be to iron it out, discuss the differences, and apologise if necessary. I tried it twice previously. David's right.

To sprinkle dash of irony onto the scenario, that meeting last Friday was the preparation for this morning's 'Staff Communication Session 2007' - thought they forgot to pout in prefix 'Theatrical', but apparently it's omitted b/c it's the common sense around here. As part of the preparation during that last Friday, Director gave presentation titled 'Organizational Communication'. The presentation was covering topics on congruent communication and managing your boss. Following the presentation Director ran the workshop on how to ask constructive non-threatening, non-self serving questions. According to the lesson from her own presentation, Director failed to take on the visual cues and focused too much on the other 7% of communication - apparently 93% is visual - namely: 'Then I'll just go to HR, and claim it there.'

iiiiiiitttttttt'sssAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaJJJOOOOKKKKEEEEEEE...!


Ps: Lose transcript from 5min meeting on Mon:

PA: Z's here to see you. (To depict the context a bit: the moment PA opened Director's door, until I left it was all ha ha ha... basically every sentence finished with a laughter/smile/giggle. At one point of interaction, not sure what was discussed (hope not the tonality of my voice) she taped my shoulder - I noticed that as I founded it surprising, and also as apparently she's reading all the psycho stuff (as well:)).

me: aren't you going to say something more for the introduction, after all that interrogation just now (PA asked me all about why am I seeing the director before she walked me into her office).

me: Hi thanks for this. (pointing at the new contract PA just handed to me moments ago. PA's exiting the office).

D: I was wondering whose is that deep sexy voice on the other side of the door (she heard me while I was chating w/ the PA about the need for at least a month more before I can sign the contract (so I can find some other offer in order to get some bargening power with target of getting better contract - more $) ).

me: Thanks, but I only hope students can understand it (my voice, and thus what I'm saying).

me: I was gonna catch up w/ you after our staff meeting on Friday, but didn't get to, so hence I'm here now. During your presentation you mentioned that graduation is compulsory. That was a surprise to me...

D: some BS on importance of graduation.

me: the thing is I booked my ticket in February for a trip to Vietnam for the duration of the break.

me: blabbing on about how I understand the pressures are there that I don't see, setting precedence, rules and so on... but I am' just an IF-i was a-teacher teacher, it's my 1st year, I didn't know...

D: some more BS on how all staff are seen as equal 'we are all equal'.

me: that sounds nice (ha ha ha)

D: what do you mean? We treat everybody the same..... some more about importance and precedences.

D: reschedule; other's have done so as well.

me: my ticket cannot be changed. what do I do about that?

D: ~~

me: I'll just get you to pay for my ticket then (ha ha).

D: we cannot do that

me: Then I'll just go to HR and claim it there (approving claims is of the things that HR actually does around here. Though it wouldn't work in a way I had in mind (get full re-found), not in a million yrs - I know it, she knows it, HR knows it, everybody knows it - hence funny)

D: ha ha ha (or was it my imagination seeing her laugh)

D: I'll talk to your RO and deputy D, and then I'll eM u.

me: thanking her for the time and leaving by saying that I hope she can make everybody happy.


Pps: Communication is what other person perceives you've said, not what you say. (ref?)

Lucky no more

On one of those in/fameous staff meetings that was held last Friday, the school Director mentioned the graduation ceremony which will be held on the 13th of June. She also said that the ceremony is COMPULSORY for ALL staff. - Say WHAT?! It was only month ago that my RO was telling me how lucky I was w/ my annual leaves and now this:

Problem: I've bought my ticket for Vietnam travel between the 9th and 24th June back in February when Jetstar had promotion.

As I didn't get to catch up with Director after the meeting, I spoke to her yesterday. Naturally, I have first discussed the issue with my RO who told me at the time when there was issue with the leave for the Thailand trip that in case something comes up again in regards to applying for the annual leave that I'll have to address it to Director myself.

So I did. Director said she was gonna discuss it further with my RO and the Deputy Director, and then email me. So she did:

----
Z,

To be able to graduate from the polytechnic with their diplomas has been the ultimate goal of all our students. Graduation ceremony to them is a very important occasion, the culmination of years of effort and learning from us. Same for the staff, we worked so hard to help our students in the hope of seeing them graduate. Graduation is the time when we gather together en mass for the last time, to congratulate and wish them all our best. Hence, Graduation Ceremony, year after year, is taken as a serious affair that all staff (academic + support) are expected to attend. I am sure we all want to see our students during this glory moment of theirs and of ours too. I recall that one of our IFs even delayed her trip back to the US just to attend the graduation, to witness her students graduate.

We have also checked our record that in the recent Lunar New Year, the school has given you a grace - one-off exception to be away during the hectic JAE and exam processing period. Hence, we regret to inform you that we won't be able to make a 2nd exception as we have to be consistent and fair across, just as much as we would like to help you. All staff have been told that if they intend to take any block leave, they should check with their RO in advance and steer clear of important poly/school events which are all pre-scheduled in the Neverland Activity Calendar. As soon as we receive the confirmed date of ICT's Graduation Ceremony from the Acad Admission office, we have also sent an email to all staff so that they can plan for their vacation around this important date.

Note: Dirs and staff have also fedback to Acad Admission's office to explore if the graduation ceremony can be held during term time and not during the poly vacation break so that staff can take their vacation for the entire two weeks.
----


I was trying the hole day to catch up w/ my RO to discuss this 'corporate jargon to the max'. But being unable to so, I wrote the reply that's mainly for my own egoistic satisfaction - thanks to the corporate culture around here, it will (probably) never reach the three intended recipients:


----
Dear Director,

Thank you for taking my enquiry into consideration.

Though I have to accept your decision professionally and with understanding, it will come to no surprise to you that it invokes great disappointment.

I expected that my case merits an exception due to, as already mentioned, the following:

a) This is my 1st go-around at the school, I genuinely did not know about 'all staff' compulsory attendance at the ceremony until the last Friday's staff meeting.

b) I'm currently in my 2nd semester, after teaching 1st and 2nd year students. Therefore, even though I can appreciate the team spirt and the support of the students on this very important occasion, none of those graduating this June would have been thought by me. Hence, my joy and sense of pride could not be comparable to those who worked so hard to help them personally during the last 3 years in the hope off seeing them graduate. From a student perspective, an added potential support that would come from a presence of the unknown random face is questionable.

c) The email notification to all staff so that they can plan for their vacation around this important date was sent on 23rd of February, whereas I have purchased my ticket on the 1st of February.

d) The above mentioned email (c) did not specify 'compulsory' clause, hence this issue is only brought forward now. Plese note that I alwasy check with my RO before applying for a leave of any duration, though not months in advace.

e) I bought the ticket that early because it was on the promotion. None the less, with taxes included the fair still added up to be 20% of my monthly IF salary. As the ticket does not allow for delayed travel time, it will now be forfeited w/o any reimbursement.

f) Even though I appreciate the exception in which I was allowed to take the leave during the recent Lunar New Year, I don't see it as a grace that was given to me, as to my understanding there was a miss-communcaiton between other parties involved.

g) How will I be able to forget about this email in order to enjoy the celebration, and hence contribute to it positively on the 13th of June 2007!?

Sincerely,

Unhappy, for the day, ICTan
----

I can understand that someone can get so worked up about the graduation - and I appreciate half a page explanation of it's purpose and importance before getting to the point of the email (NOT - in case sarcasm's too subtle) - but can they understand that there are those who don't...?

Land of Rising Sun

Land of harmony and peace. Land of contradictions. Land of volcanoes, geysers, hot baths, mountains and forests... -> the New Zealand look-alike. Land of 3G (clamshell) mobiles - ONLY. Land of no money exchange, no acceptance of credit cards nor international ATM cards... n of course the land of sushiiii!

Pere said lick, suck do whatever necessary to be present at the wedding. My RO (Reporting Officer) said I was lucky, again. No, not lucky 'like that'; lucky when it comes to taking an annual leave at the time when other staff cannot (one of the benefits of being an IF (i was a) teacher). The lucky break came in the form of an e-Learning week. During the week students do not have to come to school, instead they do the work on-line, and so my RO kindly approved my trip (even though some rules had to be bend a bit - thanksPam).

And off I was for a week in Japan.

Pere lives in the place close to the small town, Taketa. In this area tourists, especially the ones that need a passport to get there are rather rare, hence the unavailability of things such as money exchange; and the place is small, thus no credit-cards. Fortunately for me, even though I was running late - as usual - I got some cash out and bought some yen at Spore airport; and also Pere agreed to take on yet another currency. By the way, though he was kidding about opening his own currency exchange business, Pere actually earns his rice by teaching English in different schools - some 15-20 of them - that are located in the area. My initial though was that after the wedding I'll go and travel around the island, Kyūshū, as the love birds would fly off for their honeymoon. Yep, that's what happens when one thinks, s/he (probably) needs to re-think it... The love birds postponed the honeymoon till August and Hiromi had to be back at work (library at one of those 15-20 schools) only few days after the wedding.

Thanks to these circumstances I got an opportunity to spend more time with Pere (once more, 'Thank You' to Hiromi for letting me spend time w/ her hubby during the 1st wk of their marriage - actually I felt quite uncomfortable bout this at the beginning - it just did not seem right; they had to reiterate to me number of times that it was life as usual for them, and the ceremony was more of a formality then anything else). And not only did I get to spend time with Pere, but instead of going around and doing the usual touristy things, I got to spend time with his in-laws. I got a chance to see (the sample of) 'the real' Japan.

I'll talk more about how great I think both, Pere's family and in-laws are some other time, here I'll just mention one of the in-laws, Muku. Muku is the 13 yr old dog that is adored for many things out of which none relates to dog-smarts. Pere's nick names for Muku range from psycho to 'professor'. Well, all this I found out after Mike - Pere's brother - and I decided to take Muku for a walk on the morning after the wedding. As we were walking the road that leads towards the top of the hill we ran into two white dogs standing on our path. Thinking we can pass by them w/o much trouble was quickly proven wrong as both the white dogs and Muku were very keen to get together. Not to sniff, kiss, or exchange regards in any way, but to kill each other. Muku, especially, was keen on clamming the alpha dog of the hill status. After managing to pull him away initially, the two white dogs caught up with us and the brawl started again. This time, as I was trying to protect Muku by pulling him away, my right leg found its way between him and his arch enemies so he stuck he's canines into my calf, upon which he copped a blow into the head from me - reflex. Thereupon, we ran back without stopping to the house. By that time my leg was rather bloody and the thing did not look pretty. Though as it wasn't hurting that much I knew it wasn't bad, but I was wondering if I needed an 'after a dog has bit you' injection. Unfortunately as Pere and Hiromi were not around, we needed a local doctor's skillful use of Japanese-English dictionary to explain to me that the dog was just recently vaccinated and that I was safe. While at the doctor's they cleaned the wound (including some shaving) and proscribed me little bag full of medicine (antibiotics, pain killers and killers of pain killers' side effects; I only used the 1st one).

Luckily, after the bleeding stopped, there was nothing impeding my walking and I was good to go. The next day Pere's patents and brother left for their Japan trip, after we dropped them at the train station we went on to check out the Monkey Mountain and a bit of Oita. Wednesday was the active day when we covered quite some walking distance on an uneven terrain. First, early in the morning, as part of Muku's walk, we climbed the hill near Hiromi's place (now I was bit very as he would run by my leg, especially the bandaged one, though he acted as though nothing happened - asshole :). Following this, we visited ruins of the Samurai's castle at the top of the hill near Pere's house. We took Pere's neighbor's dog along for this walk. After lunch, at Hiromi's, we jumped in the car, Muku accompanying us again, and drove to Mt Kanji (or something rather similar - ?) where we climbed 2 peaks. Shortly after the dinner when we got back to Pere's place we crashed at the floor, pleasantly exhausted and fallen a sleep straight away - at least me, that is.

12+ hours later we woke up. And following omelet, salami and cheese brunch we hit the road - no dogs this time - for near by prefecture in search of the beach. After driving south for couple of hours Pere wasn't sure at which intersection to turn east in order to get to the beach that he had in mind. And as he couldn't contract Hiromi for directions he turned left towards Tomi Peninsula. After a while on the road towards the Pacific coast Pere planted a seed for pleasant surprise to himself; he said that there's (probably) nothing worth driving-for over there. What we found over there was the great little bay with no one around; clear, and very refreshing water; and rocks for easy climbing.

After two days at Tomi Peninsula it was up to me to choose the activity for my last day. The choice was between touristy thing in Fukuoka or rice planting w/ Hiromi's family.

From Japan, 5-13May07

Congrats to Hiromi&Piotr

On the 6h of May my dear friend Pere, officially, dropped all the boy-meets-girl games; he tied the knot with his precious Hiromi.

From PerinPir, 6May07

allTheBest...!

Ps: ...n then some.